So... 6 days

Well, I've got 6 days to go until RAF Halton. It's getting very exciting!
I took young Morph out last weekend, (not by himself, with Bob his bodygaurd) and he was brilliant. He even lead the way past a flapping tarpaulin and an invisible (to him anyway) barking dog. So that was great, and we mooched along the roads and then got into the bridleways of Chipperfield, and we went for a canter... hoping it would be nice and sedate, which it was, but I could still feel my arms leaving their sockets. Gag or no gag, Mr Morph doesn't really like to stop. And then we got to the jump. When I say jump, I mean a tiny fallen tree... More like a stick, but anyway, managed to get him right back on his hocks as Bob went over first, the we launched ourselves at it, flew over it and proceeded to fuck off. Overtaking Bob... Didn't look like we were stopping either and I had to assume the water ski position until we finally stopped. But it's nice to know he's excited about jumping outdoors and is keen to carry on.
Yesterday (Sunday), had a jumping lesson. Just to check he could jump real fences. Ella, my instructor, is keen to get his canter rebalanced coz he's very stiff in his back legs, and this in turn will obviously affect his jumping. So, we had a bit of a "gymnastic" lesson. 5 poles on the floor, placed a canter stride apart, and he had to obviously canter through them nicely. Which he did, but wasn't landing evenly between each pole. Then we started making small jumps, and eventually he did it right. We know he can jump, but he's no thinking about what he has to do when there are poles on the floor. He has no respect for poles on the floor and jumps under 90cms, and was knocking them and blasting through. He did do it... but today my back and shoulders ache! I've put some pelham roundings on said gag, so I have a stronger hold on him. Hoping it'll work. Also hoping the weather is going to be way better than it is today! Don't think I could handle galloping around a field and trying to negotiate jumps with a monsoon going on!!!
Today's prepartion for Halton, was a shiatsu massage for Morph. He needs to see the dentist, but other than that, Kate managed to crack his neck vertabrae back to where it should be, and sort out the stiffness in his hocks. I have a Joey horse! So hopefully, this should've loosened him up for Sunday. Now, just have to ride the damn thing tomorrow and see what's going on!!!

I'm hardcore

Oh yes, I'm so hardcore - I rode that!!

Went to Thorpe Park yesterday for their Thrill Chill weekends before it opens officially. They only have their big rides open... and I am proud that I went on the biggest one! I conquored Stealth. Oh yes.

It's 11 seconds of your life and such a rush! Basically, you sit in this car thingy and then it rolls forward slightly and all the lights turn red in front of you, and the adrenaline is pumping, then they turn green and you're shot off at 80mph in 1.8 seconds... Originally it was 2.3 but those clever engineers have sped it up. So, you're stonking along at a great spead and then you see the sky as you go up a vertical climb of 205ft... over the top and down the other side!

I still don't think my molecules have realigned. It's one of those rides where you come off saying it was horrid, but it's also so awesome! I spent most of it with my eyes tightly closed. I opened them once as we were were going up saw the sky and closed them again, and then foolishly opened them as we went over the top... it's not very nice to see the people in front of you just disappear from view. But I'll so be doing it again when I go back for my birthday! Really does take your breath away. I'll admit that I did get off and I was shaking quite badly! lol But it was amazing!

Valentine's Day...

Is the biggest waste of time and money on this planet! Surely when you love someone, you tell them all year round? Not just one wanking day out of the whole year!!! I can't bare it. Everyone's milling around the card shops going gooey over the cards and laughing at the unfunny ones... FUCK OFF! I just want to go in the shop, get a card that doesn't cost £25,000 for a piece of A4 card folded in half, and get out again! As for the presents... WTF is going on with them? I've told my boyfriend not to get me anything expensive. A cuddly bunny will suffice. I don't want jewellery, I don't wanna go out for dinner, I don't want flowers or chocolates... although a new car would be phat... but otherwise, why do we waste our money on the day? Why?
I just wanna get laid and carry on with the day!

What could go wrong...?

What could go wrong when you have 2 girls, an Mitsubishi FTO, a Vauxhall Corsa, a horse and a video camera?
Surprisingly, nothing actually went wrong. But there is a lot of comedy there for the short film we are making... well, not really a film, more like a load of nonsense, but comedy timing is everything.
Might put a "teaser" up of things to come... When I've found the USB cable for the damn camera. *rolls eyes*

RAF Halton - Roads and Tracks

So the next time I take young Morpheous off the yard, I will not give him the benefit of the doubt, and have his gag on the snaffle ring... No, it's going on the middle ring. I have had my arms wrenched out of my sockets after a nice gallop around Moonshine with Gemma and her horse, Bob. Poor Morph, he's a bit of a wuss, so he was very brave to actually leave the safety of the yard and venture into the unknown. Especially where he's never been before.
The aim of today, was to try and build up some more fitness before I tackle the sponsored ride... I think we did all right. Especially with the hill work and "freedom" of the canter. Sadly there are no jumps on the bridle ways, so we couldn't practice jumping in open spaces. But with any luck, all will be good by March. Just going to go with the point and shoot theory!

However, as we endured copious amounts of mud, I now have a brown saddle and a brown horse to match. Great! And on that note, I'm going to go and put said horse to bed!

Problem solved?

It's always nice when you're able to spend £60 before 9.00am on a Tuesday morning.
The car battery was officially knackered... Even though the crazy possessed radio has been disconnected (I have NO music and am singing to myself like a loony) the battery was still flat when I tried to leave the house this morning. Henceforth resulting in me returning to house screaming and swearing loudly. Charged it up again, took it to Bodymaster and I had a new battery within half an hour! SCORE! (£60 later)
Started said car at lunch, and it started without that groaning battery about to stop noise. Woo! Still chugging like a tug boat, but what do you expect for a 1999 Vauxhall Corsa with a 3 cylinder engine?

As I said earlier, there's nothing wrong with the car, it's the stuff under the bonnet that has the problems. (ie, the clutch, the air volume filter, the battery... the engine...)

Fucking car!!!

I tell ya, if it's not one thing it's another with that car! If it's not the clutch, it's the air volume filter, if it's not that, it's being driven into by lorries, if it's not that, it's the sodding battery being flat!!! Unlike normal car stereos, where you take the fascia off or you take the key out of the ignition and it stops, last night, I came home, took the fascia off AND the key out of the ignition it chose to keep playing... which I believe is the problem where the battery doesn't charge! *bangs head on wall*
With the assistance of my loving father, the battery was charged manually, and I made my way into work via a bit of a wiggly line (to build up the charge). Had to get Tammy to throw the horse out, but with any luck, the car should start now. Jesus Christ on toast!

Yeah, I'll take a Honda Civic, thanks!
Honda Civic, sold to the lady banging her head on a wall!

The one ghost story I will always remember

It's a bit weird, but like quite a lot of people, I am fascinated by the paranormal. I can sit for hours and just watch documentary after documentary on the proof of ghosts, poltergeists, an after life, anything. I love it!

There has been one ghost story that has stuck with me since I saw it as a teenager on Scariest Places on Earth. Thanks to YouTube, I found it! It's about a town called Athens in Ohio, and the University where the girl killed herself in her room after believing she was being haunted by a dead woman from the insane asylum. It's in two parts... I have added them both...

RAF Halton - the first REAL training session

And so I have made it! I had a jumping lesson today! Well, wasn't really a lesson, it was more training. A lesson is like learning to jump, I can jump, just need tips and advice for certain things.


Today was practicing funny looking fences which you are likely to meet when jumping XC. Well, they're not that funny looking... A corner fence (left) and an arrowhead (right). He didn't seem phased by either of them. What a good boy. Had no control mind, as he hasn't seen a jump since December, but still... Excellent behavior. He just decided to wrench my arms out of their sockets as soon as he was pointed at one of the jumps. lol. Despite having a giant bit of iron-work in his god, I temporarily had no control! All in all, I think RAF Halton will be quite eventful! Weeeeeeeeee!

Comedy travel news

M25 HERTFORDSHIRE | ACCIDENT

M25 Hertfordshire - Inside lane blocked due to an accident anticlockwise between J23 South Mimms and J22 St Albans. [Involving an overturned lorry down the embankment, and a damaged lorry on hard shoulder. The frozen chickens have now been cleared up]Long Queues back past J24 (Potters Bar)An attempt is being made to recover lorry down embankment now, if unsuccessful it will be done tonight.


As long as no-one was hurt, the thought of frozen chickens all over the M25 really does tickle me. But at least they have been cleaned up... *giggling*

The weekend

We've made it to Friday!!! Well done lads, working as a team! You can always tell it's a Friday by the tuneage on the radio. Right now Michael Jackson's Can You Feel It is making its way into my brain. Love a bit of MJ! He is an actual ledge. He is so much of a ledge, you could put flowers on him!

I fear today may be one of those slow days... I'm counting down the hours until 5.30. Currently have: 7 hours and 15 minutes left.

PAINFUL!

Thursday's installment of joy!

...Nothing's happened today. BORING!!!
Was following a Honda S2000 to work this morning, and that is about as exciting as things get right now.

And because things are so boring, the best thing I have to show is the comedy post-it notes have attached to my computer. The weird calendar date thingy says, "I am not a glutton - merely an explorer of food." Because I eat bare amounts of a day!

If anything exciting happens, I will update. But I fear this may not happen.

Gooooood cake

Useless info of the day:

I may have successfully made myself feel uber sick, but I have just eaten the BEST cake ever! A really rich gooey chocolate cake. Think I might cover myself in the crumbs and run around the office just to highlight how good it was! Mmm-mmm!

Fandabbydozy!

Well, all in all, I haven't really had a bad day. Would've been better if I didn't actually have to work, but what can ya do?

Got my Corsa back, and it's all shiney and actually looks like it's just rolled off the forecourt! Hurrah! Not quite sure what my mechanic has done to the paintwork, but it looks phat! Wasn't an actual respray... probably just waxed the fuck out of it! And cleaning it has probably helped as well. I must now keep this way coz it looks so much better. Some people in the car behind were even checking out my number plates. Oh yes! Green Day logos are the way forward. Maybe I could get a set of plates made for every band I like and just change them according to what album I'm listening to that day? Could mean effort, but hey! I'll be musically co-ordinated.

In the Equine world I actually rode my horse. Now, I think someone has swapped him for a horse that works correctly. That, or the Pessoa is actually working! It's fab. Instead of a half hour battle to get him to stop being a llama, it took about 10 minutes. Which is fine because the poor sod is really stiff, is cold backed and has the beginnings of arthritis so I'll allow it! But yeah, really impressed with the flat work. Really need to jump. Although picking a day when the school isn't flooded is going to be tricky. So much rain. It's ridiculous! Don't mind it being cold, just wish the rain would do one and let us all get on with things we need to do! Arg! Yes, Arg!

BSJA Intro

Back in December, I decided to try my luck at affiliated show jumping at a British Show Jumping Association (BSJA) intro day. I got round the course, alas wasn't clear, but at least he didn't run away from anything. Just thought he'd roll a few poles and cost me points. But, hey, I got round and I was still on board! lol

Got the pictures through today (coz it took some time to order them) and thought I'd share them.

One of the rare moments where Morph decided to actually pick his feet up

I think this is one of the best jumping pics ever taken of me!

Yeah, I really need to learn to see my stride earlier

The return of the Vauxhall Corsa

Oh yes, I have just been told that I am getting my Corsa back! *has a small party* New door, new wing mirror... AND they have fully resprayed the whole car so it's back to red instead of a faded red/pink, and some incredibly brave person has gone in and cleaned the inside. I hope his co-workers attached a rope to him before he went in. I don't want to find a little valet guy struggling for breath under one of my seats! It really was vile in there. It was actually a mobile stable. lol.

Alas this does mean I have to give up the Note. I am quite sad about this because I was starting to get attached to the fuel guzzling spaceship! Aw, I'll miss that car. No more uber fast acceleration for one thing... No electric windows, no remote locking... No air conditioning! No steering wheel controls, no air bags... Shit I'm going to die!

FREEDOM!

After half an hour in the work place, I all ready feel like this... If you can't see it, that's a post-it note on my head saying FREEDOM!

Oooh-Arrrr the English coun'ry!

Although I really disagree with the time I have to get up of a morning, I do like being able to see the sunrise across the fields. After I had been dragged through the mud because my horse hasn't seen grass for a good 2 days, I stopped and thought I'd take a pic. The foreground is a bit dark, but you can get the gist.

My Theme Park aim this year...

This year, I have decided to visit all the Tussaud's theme parks. Starting at Chessington (because it is rubbish and for kids), then moving onto Thorpe Park - it's a nice sized one with uber cool rides and then finally finishing up at Alton Towers - the big scary one up North.

Rameses Revenge (Chessington World of Adventures)

I have been on everything at Chessington except Ramesis Revenge because no-one needs to do that much spinning. I mean look at it! *points to above picture* Not only do you spin, but then you're dangled over jets of water and are promptly soaked! So I'll be missing that one out.

Stealth (Thorpe Park)

My main aim this year is to get on Stealth at Thorpe Park. It looks like quite possibly the coolest ride ever. You're shot off at 80mph in 1.8 seconds, into a vertical climb of 205 feet, then over the top and straight down the other side! I want to go on it... Now! Thorpe Park opens 16th Feb, so... perhaps I will go then, but I was thinking maybe give it a week or two to get all the mechanisms used to working again. lol.

Oblivion (Alton Towers)

Then finally, I shall finish by going back to Alton Towers. Didn't manage to fit everything in last year because the queues were like 90 minutes at a time. Fuck that! But I decided that Nemesis was the best one there. It is a classic roller coaster! However, I plan to go on Oblivion. A nice ride which is a face first freefall... Basically you go along, and then the ride holds you over a black hole, then you just go! Weeeee!

I fear I may be very ill this year!

Grey horses

For 2 and a half years I have been wondering why I turn my horse out in the winter months? It really is a waste of my time. It astounds me that even though he is wearing a rug, he still manages to get mud on the top of his legs and in places where the rug has covered... But at least he had fun! Bless him.

Lee Evans

Ah man, just browsing through YouTube, and found some comedy in the best form. Lee Evans' XL Tour live in Cardiff. I went to see the XL Tour at Wembly in London and I was 5 rows from the front and I was actually rolling on the floor. This bit cracks me up everytime, because it's so true. So very very true...

News on car

It would appear that I am getting my car back. Mechanic emailed me to say insurance company has authorised work to be done on it, which is excellent news! So my little car will return and I can give up the tank! lol.

This also means, I may be able to part ex said Corsa for Honda. lol. But yay! No more tank driving! Even though I am starting to get attached to it.

In Equine news.... This is why horses should not be left unattended for 10 seconds. I swear he did this himself with no help from me! *sigh* Hey ho, what can you do? lol

Oh yes!

I actually rode the horse today. I am proud of myself! lol. Had a little bit of a disagreement over the speed up the long side, but we came to an agreement in the end. The agreement was simply, if he didn't pull I wouldn't assume the positiong and jab him in the mouth. Harsh, but fair. Other than that, he worked perfectly. Until Luke started clipping his horses then we had fun and games! I shall put out some jumps tomorrow, after all I have not jumped since December, and I think it's time to get on with things. If my back allows it that is! Still sore from the crash.

Picture above is of me winning my championship title again for 2007-2008 for the Open Jumping Champion of Dacorum and District Riding Club. Had that presentation last night, got my trophy and rosettes. Then promptly left when all was finished to get a KFC. Mmm-mmmm!

Mmmm Civic

All day I have just been oogling the Honda Civic. I was driving behind one this morning (in my tank) and whoever was driving it clearly wasn't aware that at 7.15 in the morning it was actually dark so he didn't have his lights on. This person should have his car taken away from him. That is no way to drive such a wonderful car! Idiot. What a pillock.

Mmmm, I want this car!!! Just want the bloody insurance company to stop fannying around and let me know if my car is a write-off or not.

Off to work I go...

I have returned to work... Nice to walk in and be spoken to by EVERYONE in the office. If only it happened! My manager didn't even look up from his clearly important email... Do they not know who I am? lol. Seriously, sometimes the rudeness in this office from the SMT is unbelievable. Surely, a hello wasn't too much was it? Ah bollocks to it. Got bigger things to worry about. Like the big honking people carrier parked downstairs! *bursts out laughing* Ah, what a monstrosity. I have never been so scared driving down one stretch of road like I was this morning as I passed the "scene of the accident". I think I drove at 20, just to be sure.

In obvious disrespect for working this morning, I've plugged myself into my phone and am currently listening to some tuneage from there. Currently Semi Charmed Life by Third Eye Blind. My summer song. Alas, as I look out the window there is no sign of sun. Something tells me I'm living in the wrong country... To Florida! To Vegas! To LA! Anywhere.... Australia! GET ME OUT OF ENGLAND!

Doctor's orders...

"You have whiplash, and the muscles in your back have spassumed. Take some paracetamol and ibuprofen... Not get out of my office and stop wasting my time!" Well, he didn't say the office bit, but I went in, he asked questions, took my blood pressure, weighed me and told me I'm under-weight for my height and asked if I had an eating disorder... He should spend a day at work with me! I eat like a horse! Uh.. he also made me bend about, prodded at me and then was like OK bye.

NHS on top form as usual!

Also, was speaking to my insurance company today and they were like, yeah no claim has been made by the other party. Oh right... Thanks for that! If they say it was my fault, I'm going to be like, well clearly, my car drove into his lorry. Mmm. Idiots.

I'm driving a tank...

Well, I managed to get the tank home without too much of a kurfuffle. At least my friends were amused. It honestly is like driving a tank. I've tried to cool it up with some rock tunes, but it just doesn't seem to be working. Shame. Does have Bluetooth and iPod connection. Which would be great if I had a fucking iPod! Also has air conditioning - very useful during the winter months in England. I could actually fit my horse in it. In fact, I may try that tomorrow. Sounds like a laugh. "Come on Morpheous, got a new form of transportation to you... In ya get!"

For some reason I'm all shakey... Hey ho, doctors tomorrow, so maybe they can sit me down and tell me I'm suffering from delayed shock. Perhaps I might get a biscuit and a cup of tea. *rolls eyes* They asked me if it was an emergancy, I was like, I was hit by a lorry yesterday - you figure it out! Bloody asking me to make a diagnosis - I haven't had the training they've had!! But, I've scored a day off work, so it's all good, it's all good.

I want my Corsa back!!!

I'm driving a Note... A Nissan Note. What the fuck am I going to do with that? I feel cooler in my Corsa, than I do in this bloody think. Thanks for that, Enterprise!
It's a small people carrier!!! "Hey, everybody, jump in! We're going to Butlins!" Yeah... great.

Oh well... it's a car innit? Hopefully mine will be sorted within 2 weeks. PLEEEEASE!

Where's my courtesty car?

The good news is, I made into work without disagreeing with any other road users... and with the help of my pal Tina and her retro Nova. But yes, we made it!
I'm aching a bit from yesterday, but to be fair I was hit by a lorry. Not like I was hit by a Robin Reliant.
Alas, I am still without a car, because the company sorting that out has failed in getting one to me. Apparently the transporter didn't turn up yesterday, so they had no cars anywhere! What kind of rent-a-car place are they running there? God. Just give me a car! As long as it's not a Nissan Micra, I'll be happy. But hey, a Micra's better than no car at all... well... in a strange way.

Smashy smashy

Oh god in heaven.

There I am, driving to work, minding my own business and suddenly I've been spun round across 4 lanes of on-coming traffic and am facing the wrong way. I can honestly say that I shat my pants! And I wasn't hit by a car of equal size to my tiddly Vauxhall Corsa, oh no, I was hit by a stonker of an Iveco 430 articulated lorry. All I could do was sit there and scream. Luckily, the lorry driver stopped and was actually a really nice dude.
Managed to get my car to my reliable mechanic. I need a new driver side door and wing mirror. And clearly my tracking has been royally fucked over. I'm all right though. My right arm hurts and my neck is a bit sore. Sorted it out with insurance, they're gonna go look at my car go mmmhmm (mmmhmm? That's a perfectly good car, it at least deserves a fucking WOWEEEE!). At the moment it seems like the cost of repair is more than my car is worth. Shocking. Might be a write-off. Hark, is that the sound of a Honda Civic starting? Woo!

Just to get an idea of what I was driving and what hit me... There's an Iveco 430 atric. lorry, and there's a Vauxhall Corsa... *sigh*

Finally...

Hurrah, I am pleased with myself. Not only did I skive off work at 4.30, I also managed to exercise the horse. Still haven't actually sat on him for over a week now. He must feel so lucky. Instead I strapped him into a pessoa and made him use the correct muscles for once.

However it's going to take a while before he looks anywhere near close to this dressage horse. My flying changes never look that spectacular. Whenever I ask for something like this, the head goes in the air, and the back legs come off the ground... and not in the way their supposed to. I actually think I am riding a llama sometimes! But hey, dressage isn't my main interest, but it would just be nice to get a little bit of an outline going from time to time.

Musical gripe

What monkey allowed an awful remix of a David Bowie song to be released? Can't people just leave things as they should be? *throws stationary at radio* SHUT UP!

Spam email

I think Spam email was invented to amuse bored office folk, like myself. So far today, I have had an email from someone called Penis, 5 people telling me that Mega Dick will change my life for just $75, and more Viagra discounts than I can shake a stick at... (no pun intended).

Clearly I am totally thrilled to be here today! See that, that is my excited face!

FFS!!

And now the knobbing email server has exploded... again

Woohoo

...and I have just found the car I want. Honda Civic Type S 2.2 i-CDTi in black. Sexy sexy car. There's one at my local Honda dealer for £16000. Oh pocket change! lol.
Luckily, I work for a contract hire company... I wonder if our Honda dealer can pull a few strings?? Failing the Type S, I will settle for the more expensive Type R... I would totally have to have it in yellow, so I can start fights everywhere when people play YELLOW CAR! *punch*

And so it begins...

And so the week begins with a wanky Monday morning, and feeling of wanting to punch someone. I love my job, especially when people around me are in the BEST mood ever. I mean come on. Nobody likes being at work on a Monday morning, but there's no need to sit there with a black cloud over your head is there and bring everyone else down with it. Just get on with the day. Aaarh!
Comedy moment of the morning: Driving with my window open and hitting standing water on the road... Thanks for that.
After having quite possibly the worst night's sleep ever, I think I may ask to work my lunch so I can at least do one from here at 4.30 instead of 5.30. A slight improvement on the day.

I will be adding odds and ends to this over the course of the working day, coz clearly I work really really hard.

Quick decision in past 2 minutes

It has occured to me that I really need to go out. Haven't been party party for a long time. Last time was December. How depressing.

And this is usually what happens to me when I go out... Look at my friend Michelle, trying to pretend it's not happening.

RAF Halton - the build up

First blog, can be about my run up to the sponsored ride I will be doing for the second year running, in March. Received my sponsor form this morning so all is good. Alas, have not actually sat on the horse for over a week now, due to my own flu which has managed to flush any life out of me this week. Really have felt like arse.

Anyway, yes, RAF Halton consists of 50 cross country jumps ranging from 2ft6 - 3ft6 (possibly bigger I'm not sure) over 7 miles set at an RAF airbase in Aylsebury. Basically, it's an excuse to raise money for good causes and lose control of your horse. The main focal point for spectators and riders is actually jumping an aeroplane. Oh yes! Here is a picture of me jumping it last year. Woo! Failed to get over it on the first attempt, but tried again and it was all good... then had no control as I finished the course.

So, plan of action for the next 2 months is to actually RIDE the horse and get some jumping lessons planned.

For more info on RAF Halton visit http://www.haltonride.wanadoo.co.uk/